I tried to not breath as loud or she would hear me. I held on tight to the door nob of the tiny space, a coat closet I think. I ran in here trying to escape a mob that was after me, I didn't realize she'd be here though. Her name was Rose, it was a shame that they got to her. How could I possibly finish her if part of her was still recognizable. That one part of her face that still resembled who she was before this horrible disaster. Her one big brown eye it haunted me, tortured me, intrigued me. A part of me hopped that she was still in there. Wishful thinking that even though her body was decaying more and more every day that maybe her soul remained intact. How could it though? Or better yet why would it? If I died I sure as heck wouldn't stick around to see the whole world turn on each other and slowly die off. I'd rather go to the heaven or hell that awaits me than to roam this horrible place. Even eternal damnation seemed like an escape from whatever this was. At least there you would know it couldn't get worse. Around here a tiny glimmer of hope is all you need to forget how bad things really are. I tried to press my ear against the door to see if I could hear her shuffling around. I couldn't really hear anything maybe she got distracted with something else and now would be the perfect time to try to leave before it got too dark. I slowly cracked the door open, it slammed shut almost taking off my nose. I fell back to the back of the closet I could hear her scratching the back of the door digging her nails into the wood trying to find a way in. Lucky for me whatever this disease or virus was didn't leave anyone very smart. All she had to do was open the door towards her and she could have me for lunch but her rotting brain couldn't articulate that kind of thought process. Instead she'd try to scratch her way through to find where the scent was coming from. After observing these things from a little too close for comfort I figured out at least that much. Not sure if it was the smell of fresh blood or fresh flesh that attracted them more. If it was dead they had no interest but if your heart was pumping they wanted to devour every last inch of you. Last time I saw her her flesh wasn't this decayed. I hated seeing her like this but I couldn't find it in my heart to kill my zombie wife. I tried to make it home as soon as the outbreak hit but when I came home it was far too late. We had been watching the news as this stuff spread like a wildfire and I promised her, well we promised each other we'd finish it if the disease got to us. I just couldn't keep that promise though. I left her behind and finding her here was a complete surprise. It was my curse for not keeping that promise to my lovely Rose. I knew her wedding ring I had given her not even a year earlier was still on her greying finger and the necklace I gave her last Christmas was mangled in dry blood around her neck. How could I possibly behead my sweet Rose, she did nothing to deserve this, to live or rather not live like this. If only all her face would finish rotting maybe then I wouldn't see her anymore and only see the monster she became. Only then could I forget for one second. Only then could I finish with my zombie wife. Until then she will haunt me with that one beautiful brown eye that burns right through my soul. She kept banging and scratching at the door it was driving me insane.  That was it! I couldn't take it anymore. I pushed the door open and walked out of that dark room. I'm not sure if it was my imagination but I swear she looked up at me and smiled. I got closer and her brown eye penetrated through my skin. "Rose?" 
She charged at me and I held my arms open. It was Rose! My Rose! I felt her teeth sink into my neck. It wasn't Rose at all, it was just a hungry monster who'd been wanting me for lunch. I took out my gun and shot her in the head. I then took the barrel of the pistol ... "Honey! Wake up!" I sat up in my bed in a cold sweat my sweet Rose sitting on the edge of the bed. "Are you ok?" She asked. I hugged her and sighed. "It was all just a nightmare, thank god!" 


Thank you so much for stopping by for this little spooky tale hope all of those who go out for the halloween festivities  will be careful and responsible. God bless you all! 

Good day and goodnight from my computer to you I wish to you love, laughter, and happiness. 

I've always found it amusing when people call other people fat like its a some kind of huge revelation.  Anyone who knows anything about struggling with weight knows that you aren't revealing anything new, for a lot of people it's something we've dealt with all our lives for others it may be something new. I've been fortunate to always be comfortable in my own skin and love myself for who I am inside and out. This blog is particularly difficult for me as I don't share my feelings on my weight with a lot of people so I am quite vulnerable sharing the photo to the left and publishing this post. I promised myself when I started this website that no topic would be off limits that if I wanted to be honest with what I'm trying to achieve I had to be honest here too. I have hopes that one day someone will read this and gain insight on themselves and if I can help even one single person then my job here is done. 
I started a journey a few months ago to become a healthier person. I don't have a goal of becoming a skinny person or a goal of a certain size I have a goal of becoming healthier and extending my life so that I may enjoy it with those I love. I have many plans for my future one of which includes having children. I have tried so many diets I lost track, people say exercise but when you carry as much weight as I do it is difficult to do the tasks so many people take for granted. You don't really know unless you've been inside the mind or body of someone struggling with weight. It's not always so easy to get out of bed or have the energy to be more physical because it's hard to even sleep. Don't worry this isn't a pity party or a poor me story. This is me taking ownership and responsibility over my own body. This is me trying to not watch what others eat and watch what I eat. I know what I can and can't have and most importantly how much I can have. I have grown to learn that healthy doesn't mean compromising taste it means making smarter choices. I am in no way even close to the end of my journey this is just the beginning. I often find myself discouraged and tired of counting my calories. Then I look at pictures like the one above and I remember. I remember what brought me here in the first place. I remember how I felt in that before picture and how I feel in the after picture. And I am reminded of how much better I will continue feel. I am reminded constantly of all the people out there who have loved me most of my life just the way I've always been and to them I am eternally grateful. I have always and will always look in the mirror and think "Damn, I'm cute!" Words have power only if you let them so call me fat if it makes you feel better because I know I am beautiful and one day I hope you feel beautiful too. 

Thank you so much to those of you who are following my posts. All I can hope for is that one day my words will make a difference in someone's life and inspire them. 
Good day and goodnight from my computer to you I wish you love, laughter and happiness.

Never have quite understood the purpose of blogging or what it does for people. I have never read or subscribed to blogs in the past so I am a bit out of my element here. I do however feel that I have a lot to say and would like people to hear it. Not on a specific thing just ideas or thoughts in general. I of course think that I am brilliant but I am a little bias. Any of those who know me know that self confidence isn’t something that is missing in my life, and for those of you who don’t you will soon learn more.

A little background on my life, I am 30 years old for at least a couple more weeks which I will hold on to for dear life. I grew up in regular small town America, a place that I complained a lot about growing up but have grown to appreciate. I don’t have children so no parenting advice will be given here, sorry. I am an aunt though so if you need advice on that I would gladly comply. I am in a long term and sometimes difficult but very loving relationship with a man I met online, yes I have met him in person too. I come from a freakishly amazing family. Seriously, it’s uncommon for five children of the same parents to all be, well adjusted adults that actually get along with each other and whose parents are still married after 41 long hard years. I say hard because although I occasionally catch my dad staring at his wife with a tender glimmer in his eyes and my mother will from time to time reach over to hold his hand I know it wasn’t always like this and that it isn’t like this all the time either. I know that they were both kids when they got married at 18 and 17 and that their relationship was a struggle full of trials and tribulations that I am sure I am not even privy to, but we can get into that later. Let’s see, what else, well I live at home with my parents. I know some will find this strange but it makes sense for me for now and I’m ok with that. I have a great job and am very lucky to work with some amazing people. I’m a self proclaimed author as I don’t have any published work yet but I do have a novel that I have been working on for years and hope to finish it soon.  I dabble in a little music and song writing or try to anyways. I like to paint poorly and call it abstract art, lol. It takes only minutes to know me and seconds to love me.

I hope you have enjoyed this fist installment of this new blogging thing I hope to take on, not exactly sure if I want to make it a daily thing or a weekly thing or maybe a few days a week but you will all be the first to know as soon as I do!

Good day and Good night from my computer to you I wish to you love, laughter, and happiness.