<![CDATA[VanessaBlogs.com - Poet's Corner]]>Sat, 11 May 2024 01:51:51 -0700Weebly<![CDATA[If I would have known...]]>Sun, 03 Jul 2016 18:20:44 GMThttp://vanessablogs.com/poets-corner/if-i-would-have-knownI wish I would've known that you'd be gone so instead of making plans we could have done all those things that we thought about. If I would've  known that you'd be gone there's a million things I would have said to you, all of them reasons you should stay with me. 

The bottom line is that I didn't know so I feel like a lot of time was wasted. I put this on myself cause I was scared to say the way I felt because I didn't want to loose you. It turns out I lost you anyway but in a much worse way. After all these years all these things stay stuck inside of me sometimes they get so close to suffocating me.

I wish I would've know that you'd be gone so we wouldn't take you for granted. If I had known I would've spent more time with you. I would have hugged you tighter and held you longer. These tears streaming down my face are the only thing I have left of you. Every one a memory that I had of you.

The bottom line is that I didn't know so I feel like a lot of time was wasted. I put this on myself cause I was scared to say the way I felt because I didn't want to loose you. It turns out I lost you anyway but in a much worse way. After all these years all these things stay stuck inside of me sometimes they get so close to suffocating me.

Truth be told there's still some songs I can't get to the end of. They bring back too many memories and remind me that I'm missing you.  Even if I would have known you would've left me still. They pain would still remain and I'd be left stranded still. Honestly I'm sure I wouldn't change a thing if only I could have you back again.




I wrote this just recently as my John John's birthday was the 27th, I thought about him all day and his memory is with me always. I thought of his friends and family and know how hard these "special" days can be. I hope my words can in someway help people to realize that the day of tomorrow isn't promised, we often make plans and they never happen or we forget to tell people how we feel about them until its too late.  ]]><![CDATA[Little Chubby Girl]]>Sat, 24 Jan 2015 03:49:23 GMThttp://vanessablogs.com/poets-corner/little-chubby-girlLittle chubby girl, keep on smiling through your pain. 
Little chubby girl, know your worth. 
Little chubby girl, you are beautiful too. 
Your smile will one day light up a room, your life will spark change in so many. You will be an inspiration to us all. 
Little chubby girl never loose yourself, you are so wonderful yes you are.
You can hold the world in your palm and make a grumpy man laugh, your charm will calm the angry, your smile will lift the brokenhearted. 
Little chubby girl keep your feet on the ground until you learn to fly and soar among the greatest. 
Little girl is all you are afraid of whats before you, little girl don't be scared I'll always be here for you. 
I used inspiration from the latest blog to draw up this little poem. I wish there was more encouragement for girls to be themselves and not put so much pressure on them. I wish we could teach our children to be accepting of everyone and not grow into bullies. I wish we all had the ability to see ourselves in such a positive light that it reflects onto an entire nation. I wish we could all be loving and caring. I wish we were all raised the way I was, to not demand respect but instead give it, especially to those who don't deserve it, all in hopes of them seeing how people should act and maybe spark a change in their lives. 


Thank you to everyone one of you, who inspire me on a daily basis to keep on writing!
]]><![CDATA[Blank Screen]]>Thu, 15 Jan 2015 03:48:24 GMThttp://vanessablogs.com/poets-corner/blank-screenI sit here in front of  a blank screen a blank page waiting to be filled waiting to be full of words so eloquently spoken, written, felt deep in the soul of the one who dares write them. I look into myself searching and hoping to find something significant something amazing to do or say words on a blank page filled with no meaning unless they mean something to me, who cares what I'm saying. Who cares what I'm feeling unless I can speak it, unless I can put into words the fear that's within me. Who cares what I'm thinking, unless I can write it and let myself know exactly what's happening. It's a revelation, I let my self go and let the words flow through my fingers allowing myself to just be free and flow free, run free with these sentences, be free with this ink that is bleeding down this once blank page now it is filled with mixed emotions, tears shed in ink on this fine evening. I'm happy yet frightened, scared of loosing and winning. The fear of failure and success. I know me this way, I know this life I lead. The life before me is unknown, I'll be a stranger to myself. All these things I find inside me, when I didn't even know they existed. All this ink shedding light into myself, its the only way I'll ever know only by letting this ink drain my soul. I feel a huge weight lift off my shoulders, It's no longer trapped inside I've released it...







]]><![CDATA[Good Friend of Mine]]>Fri, 14 Nov 2014 03:42:12 GMThttp://vanessablogs.com/poets-corner/good-friend-of-mineI miss those days when I would simply write how I was feeling inside.

Make me feel less alone good friend of mine.

You’ve known all my fears and sorrows.

Only you know the best and worst in me.

Make me feel new again good friend of mine.

Oh to feel whole once again.

You always helped me write what I was feeling inside.

With you in my hand you make me feel safe.

You give me an unimaginable strength.

I’ve cried holding on to you tight.

I’ve stayed up with you all night.

I can always trust you to be there for me.

My pen you will always be.

As many of you have come to know with other blogs and poet's corner entries, I often times find refuge in writing. When it was hard to say how I felt or was scared of what others might think I would take to writing. So many times I wasn't even sure how I felt until I put the pen down. There were times I was scared to write because I didn't know what I would find at the end of the page. I found that when I wrote, it was truly the only time that I could completely let go of everything else. I still take to pen and paper even with all the technology around us, something soothing and comforting about it. It's like an old friend that no matter how long its been since you last saw them when you are finally together again it feels just like it always did.  
]]><![CDATA[Dear John]]>Sat, 25 Oct 2014 22:13:41 GMThttp://vanessablogs.com/poets-corner/dear-johnDear John,

I lay here in my dark, empty room. I can barely see the words that I write but I know that I must. I know that I need to write down these emotions that invade my soul. I need to write down that I miss you and how I wish you were here. I need to write that although it’s been two years I cry for you still. I need to write that I am dying inside that as the end of this second year without you approaches it gets harder to breathe, harder to sleep, harder to live. Everyone said that it would get easier, that is going to be “ok” but how would they know? They truth is they don’t. They don’t know that during these cold lonely nights I miss you the same, how if I close my eyes I can still see your face. How when I’m living my life trying not to look behind I can’t help but wishing you were by my side. One thing that keeps me going is the thought of you smiling down on me from above, but I miss you and wish you were here.

How selfish I feel when knowing you’re in a better place, all I wish for is to hold your beautiful face. How selfish I feel when consumed by my own pain, I don’t think of the Payne’s and how they must feel to have lost their own. How selfish I feel when I keep all these things inside instead of speaking them out to help others get by.

Throughout all of these things some truths remain, I’m missing you still, I’m loving you still, I’m crying for you still.

Since you've been gone it’s gotten harder to write for I am afraid of what I might find.

One thing you must know is that at first I blamed God. How angry I was that he would take you from my side. How angry I was that I wanted to die. I’m no longer angry but still so confused. So many things that I don’t understand and never will. So many questions and no one with answers. Just save me a place up in Heaven but be patient because it might be a while. Know that we will be together again, but until then come visit me in the form of a dream. I promise that I will try harder to live life and only remember those happy times because I know that it may be the only thing that helps me get by.

I contemplated putting this one up only because it is so personal, we have all lost someone close to us and when we think about them even after so much time passes the pain is still there. I wrote this 2 years after loosing one of my best friends, John Payne. We had so many plans for our future and all of that was taken away from us in an instant. I had never lost anyone like that and I gave up life for a while. Many of you may not know but after that loss I quit college, I stayed locked away in my house for over a year. The very few times I would go out people would say "Oh hey you're in town!" I would fake a smile and nod. They didn't know that I had been around all along. I have to give my parents so much credit for pulling me out of that dark place that I found myself. They let me mourn, they let me give up for a while and asked nothing of me, but when enough was enough I was given a choice to either work or go back to school. During that year I would only leave my room to go to the bathroom or if I absolutely had to leave the house. I would go to the kitchen to get food and eat in my room. I would spend a lot of time on the computer or watching TV. I quit calling my friends and taking calls from them. Pretty much the only thing that made me truly happy was spending time with my niece, she was the only one that could pull a real smile out of me, the rest were fake. I sit here having a hard time seeing what I am writing because tears fill my eyes. I miss him still. I wish I could share so much with him. I wonder what he would think of YouTube, Twitter, and Facebook. I find peace now though but glimpses of probably one of the darkest moments of life still creep up on me. I learned not to shove them away but welcome them take a moment with them but not reside in that dark place anymore. It seems impossible to think of all the years in between because when I think about it it still all feels so fresh like it was only yesterday. I truly hope that if nothing else anyone who is experiencing loss at this time knows that they are not alone. We all deal with things differently and there is no right or wrong way to mourn. There is also no time limit as I still mourn John's death to this day. We just have to learn to not stop living just because they had to. 

]]><![CDATA[Water Dripping From the Skies]]>Fri, 24 Oct 2014 01:21:14 GMThttp://vanessablogs.com/poets-corner/water-dripping-from-the-skiesWith eyes wide open in a cold dark room I lie helpless, motionless, bound by these emotions. My heart pounds fast, my mind works hard, hoping, wishing, for the knowledge to erase your pain.

My ink pen bleeds, like my eyes do, tears of pain, tears of desperation. It becomes harder to breathe, harder to live for a dream I once dreamt of a love so real, so strong.

Water dripping from the skies. Angry thunder pounding from within me. Let me in! Let me set you free! Let me love you until your whole again! Forget not that I am with you as hard as that may seem.

Flashes of light capturing these moments. Glimpses of shadows in the dark. My body trembles in fear, wishing it had you near.

Water dripping from the skies. Angry thunder pounding from within me. Let me in! Let me set you free! Let me love you until your whole again!

Water dripping from these eyes. Angry screaming from within me. Stay with me! Set us free! Love me until I’m whole again! Hold my hand! Caress my face! Be real to me! Be my man! Come to me! Make our dreams come true for me!

Water dripping from the skies. Angry thunder pounding from within me. Let me in! Let me set you free! Let me love you until your whole again!

Water dripping from the skies.

Water dripping from the skies.

Water dripping from the skies.

I close my eyes just to see your face again.

I wrote this on a stormy night the rain, lightning and thunder inspired me. I found i had a lot in common with the storm that night. I was angry, frustrated, and sad because I so longed to be with someone who was so far away. Who hasn't felt this way right? I hope you enjoy this as much as I enjoy sharing little bits and pieces of my soul with you all. Please like, share, and comment. Come back soon for more! 
]]>